Person Centered Comments - Path To Poor Relationships

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Person Centered Comments - Path To Poor Relationships

This excerpt is from Conflict Prevention In The Workplace - Cooperative Communication, published by Bacal & Associates. It is only available directly from us.

For other excerpts from this book click here

Person Centred Comments & Criticism

Stop Runaway Conflict By Using Your Head Instead Of Your Emotions Learn how from Using Your Head To Manage Conflict Helpcard

Once conflict starts we tend to get emotionally caught up in it, and end up handling it badly, because we over-react and stop thinking. You can learn to stop knee-jerk reactions that make conflict worse from Using Your Head To Manage Conflict Helpcard.

Learn to CHOOSE the best method and reactions for any particular conflict situation, when it's best not to engage, use power solutions, or go more "cooperative".

Free preview available. Click here for more information about how you can become more thoughtful and successful with conflict situations.

There are several ways to deal with an issue in the home or workplace. You can talk about the issue, or you can shift the conversation to the personal characteristics, motives, expertise, and conduct of the other person. When you make comments about a person's conduct, expertise, etc. (usually negative) you shift the situation to an attack/defend one, even if that isn't what you intended to do.

Most person centred comments contain the word "YOU" as the subject, or prominent in the comment. Examples:

"You aren't listening" (one of the best ways to get someone to really not listen)

"You don't know what you are talking about"

"Who are you to tell me"

"Can't you just be quiet for a minute?" Note that this isn't really a question but a tricky way of asking someone to shut up)

"Have you even read the report?" (another you statement dressed up in a question)

All of these are examples of person centred comments and criticism. Regardless of your intent, or even if you try to soften the blow by saying something like "Please don't take this personally but... the outcome is going to be a heated discussion with a whole lot of energy wasted. You may not intend to create a conflict but the use of person-centred comments is almost guaranteed to start arguments.

The way you communicate is the primary determinant of whether the person you are interacting with will listen and think about what you say, be indifferent to it, OR, fight like heck against it. We've made a list of the most common, and detrimental ways of communicating that usually completely block the communication process.

Needless to say, if you want to reduce arguments, and have your position heard and considered, whether at home or at work, these approaches should be avoided.